Harry Potter and the Return to Hogwarts
by Snidget Ronders
Summary: Harry becomes a teacher


Chapter 1-In which there was Quidditch and tight fits  
  
An eighteen-year-old boy sat in a hotel room on top of the Leaky Cauldron in London. His unkempt jet-black hair was flattened on his forehead hiding a lightning scar. His name is Harry Potter, fresh from a whole education of Hogwarts. He immediately moved out of his aunt and uncle's home (Petunia and Vernon Dursley) and came to live here; in room eight with Ron Weasley, who's Harry's best friend and Hermione Granger. Today, three owls flew into the room with letters addressed to each of them. Hermione tiredly scraped the letters off of the owls.  
"Why did it have to be so hot?" Hermione said to herself. She read the letter silently:  
Dear Miss Granger,  
Albus Dumbledore has looked in your school records and decided that it would be best if your career were at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please fill out the forms on the back of this letter and return immediately.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Minerva McGonagall  
  
She squealed with joy. "What is it Hermione?" Ron asked. "I have a Hogwarts application as a teacher!!!" Hermione replied ecstatically. The forms looked something like this: Surname, First name, Middle name: Granger, Hermione Elizabeth Place of Residence: Diagon Alley, London Husband's name: Weasley, Ronald If so, husband's roommate's name: Potter, Harry Experience at magic (magical degrees): Advanced Magical Degree (N.E.W.T.) in Arithmancy, Charms, Defence Against the Dark Arts, Herbology, and History of Magic, Transfiguration, and Potions Current Employment: None  
"I bet you two have applications too! I'm going to be Charms teacher. Boy, this pays well, 200 galleons per week!" Sure enough, Harry and Ron received applications too. Harry would be a flying teacher.  
"Oh no," Ron said.  
"What's wrong honey?" Hermione asked her husband.  
"I'm the gameskeeper." Ron said glumly. "I'll have to stay with Hagrid."  
"It's all right Ron, I mean, you don't have to stay with Hagrid," Harry said in a way that would have cheered someone up. Ron was just about to crack a smile, thinking everything was fine when a sonic boom like explosion shattered the windows in Diagon Alley. The owls flew out of the Magical Menagerie and Eeylops Owl Emporium. Hermione squealed and covered her head.  
"Look!" Harry pointed at a cloud that slowly contorted itself into the Dark Mark they had seen at the Quidditch World Cup 4 years ago; a snake coming out of the mouth of a skull. Black smoke rose into the air thickly.  
"Harry!!" Hermione shouted frantically stammered to Harry who had picked up his wand. "Where are you going?"  
"Down to Gringotts, where that bomb exploded." Harry replied.  
"We're coming too, mate!!" Ron shouted. "And what's a bomb?"  
"I'll explain later." Hermione said shaking her head. The three of them pushed hard against the surging crowds of people trying to get away. About 50 wizards and goblins stood (well, more like floated on their backs) in the air high above a burning Gringotts. Ministry of Magic wizards shot water jets to smother the flames.  
"What happened?" Hermione asked a Ministry wizard.  
"That's none of your business." The older wizard with thinning blonde hair said to Hermione with an 'I'm-not-going-to-tell-you-anything-my-little- popinjay' air about his voice.  
"Well you're being very difficult. For your information, my windows have been blown out by this and I demand that you tell me what the heck happened!!!!" Hermione screeched on the top of her lungs.  
"Well.if you must know, a bomb filled with the Cruciatus Curse exploded right inside the main lobby of Gringotts. The curse is so powerful; we can't get those poor souls down. They might die."  
"Oh dear."  
"Yep, this is an all-nighter."  
"Thank you sir."  
"You're welcome"  
Hermione picked up a copy of the Daily Prophet the next morning from Flourish and Blotts (the attack was after the Sunday Prophet). She read the cover story with a picture of the flaming Gringotts Bank.  
"Let us see it Hermione," Harry said. Hermione chucked it at Harry; she was obviously disgusted. Harry caught it with ease however.  
'Terror Attack in Diagon Alley by Rita Skeeter', oh who else?" Harry read aloud sarcastically. " 'Terror filled the hearts of the millions of British wizards as a bomb filled with the Cruciatus Curse exploded inside of Gringotts yesterday. There is an estimated 60 deaths and 120 injuries, 80 of which came from a massive stampede. As Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry prepares to go back to school, questions about security pop up. Minerva McGonagall had these comments:  
'Hogwarts has always been safe and will continue to be a shinning beacon of safety.' Severus Snape said otherwise:  
'This school is crawling with danger. McGonagall doesn't know what she's talking about. All of the Hogwarts attacks on Muggle-borns 6 years ago, the convict Black escaping here 5 years ago, Cedric Diggory was killed for years ago during the Triwizard Tournament, the list goes on.' On this debate, Hogwarts will go under an investigation, headed by a furious Cornelius Fudge and jubilant Percy Weasley.  
'Hogwarts has always been a haven for mystery and should be closed down for good,' said Weasley.  
As the ancient school goes under this important investigation, the question came when Albus Dumbledore hired Harry Potter, who resides in room number 4 on top of the Leaky Cauldron, as a Quidditch teacher. This was the hypothetical "final straw" after hiring werewolf Remus Lupin, insane Auror Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody and centaur Firenze. Potter was hired with Ronald (gameskeeper) and Hermione (Charms teacher) Weasley.'" Harry stopped abruptly  
"It goes on!" Hermione said furiously.  
"I'm sorry Her." Ron started.  
"We thought that, that stupid Skeeter woman hung up her pen! This is an, an outrage!!!" Hermione screamed, red with anger. Harry and Ron shrunk into their chairs.  
"Calm down Hermione, you sound like a Howler!" Ron said with his own touch of his own anger.  
"I have plenty reason to sound like a Howler!!!!" Hermione said. "That horrid woman makes Hogwarts sound like a haven for convicts and a target for Voldemort!!!!"  
"Hermione, just because you feel upset about this article doesn't mean that all of this isn't entirely true!! I mean, everything that upsets you, you go on a shouting rampage!!! This doesn't even matter anymore!!" Ron shouted at the top of his lungs.  
"Just because you don't think this isn't a matter of importance to you doesn't mean that this doesn't feel important to me!!!!!!" Hermione shrieked. That last comment made a stalemate in the argument. Harry could feel that someone was listening.  
"What's for dinner anyway?" He asked simultaneously.  
"Whatever the cook brings up," Hermione answered hoarsely. The cook knocked and slid three pot roasts and three biscuits that were round, large and steaming hot with three extraordinarily large goblets filled with fresh pumpkin juice through the food door.  
"Excellent," Ron said grabbing the food and handing it hastily to Hermione and Harry. He stuffed the biscuit in his mouth and shovelled the pot roast hastily down his throat.  
"Ron, will you ever learn any good eating habits and table manners?" Hermione asked.  
" 'Ere's no 'able eere aniwoi," Ron said through a mouthful of potato and steak.  
"Oh good Lord," Hermione said rolling her eyes as she neatly spooned small mouthfuls of pot roast with her spoon. Harry snickered silently at Ron and Hermione's sharp contrast in eating. He took the extra biscuit and hurriedly chewed it up. Ron reached for the biscuit and realized that Harry had eaten it. Ron punched him in the shoulder and Harry laughed loudly. That night, Harry went into his bed and Hermione and Ron went into the other. He slept lightly with the Daily Prophet magazine article on his mind. He was rudely awakened at 2 a.m. by Ron's loud snoring. Big Ben chimed 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7 o'clock in the morning. Just in time for Harry to buy tickets to the Quidditch world cup in Edinburgh, Scotland. The cup's final match is Scotland versus England, the battle of the Isles.  
  
************************************************ Harry walked through an almost deserted Diagon Alley to the ticket kiosk. There was a young wizard, about 24 years old, in magenta robes. He wore a hat with an eagle feather on his head at a lazy angle. He spoke with a heavy Scottish accent.  
"I 'spect you be wantin' tickets to the Quidditch Worl' Cup surr."  
"Yes," Harry said. He had gone to Gringotts at the optional entrance so the long line wouldn't be as long. He withdrew 500 galleons to buy the tickets.  
"Aye, Oi'd love to sell ye tickets, if you'll be payin' 600 galleons for three."  
"How about 3 for 400."  
"No lower than 590."  
"580."  
"585."  
"500, and that's my final offer."  
"All righ', you droive a 'ard bargain surr. Ere's your tickets.  
Harry paid the Scottish kiosk owner the 500 galleons and thanked him. He hurried off through Diagon Alley, but stopped at the Magical Menagerie to get Hermione a gift with 4 Silver Sickles, a hovering catnip ball for Crookshanks, her orange striped cat. He then walked back to the Leaky Cauldron. The owner stopped Harry.  
"Harry, I need the rent," the owner said.  
"I have the 100 galleons right here," Harry said. He handed the last of the galleons in his pocket.  
"Thanks Harry, but, the rent was late so a fee of 70 sickles is in order." Harry gave the owner 70 sickles. Harry hurriedly walked up the stairs to the top of the Leaky Cauldron.  
"Hermione, Ron!" Harry shouted. They were eating pancakes, strawberries and cream, and scones and clotted cream (you can imagine what it does to your insides).  
"What's up Harry?" Ron asked.  
"I got tickets to the Quidditch World Cup in Edinburgh, Scotland!!!"  
"Oh my gosh Harry!!! You aren't faking are you?" Hermione asked Harry in a state of shock.  
"No lies." Harry showed them three tickets with flying Scottish and British Quidditch players entitled "Battle of the Isles, Scotland's Loch Ness Monsters versus England's Big Bens".  
"Edinburgh? That's a whole 2 day drive!" Hermione exclaimed.  
"We don't have a car either. Wait a minute I do have a car. The Dursleys gave me an old BMW. It's from the 80's, but it's reliable. We'll have to start going there today to get to our reserved cottage. It's on the receipt." It looked like this: Tickets-Three Quidditch World Cup "Battle of the British Isles" Stadium Seating-North Top Box, Scottish National Quidditch Arena, Edinburgh, Scotland Bought from-The Quidditch Ticket Chamber of Commerce. Seller-Justin McMaynerberry Signature-Justin McMaynerberry "Oh Harry, this is real!" Hermione shouted, embracing Harry (as a friend).  
"Let's go then." Harry said, picking up his keys. The diesel BMW was parked on Magnolia Point, not too far from King's Cross. Harry checked to make sure no trains were going to Edinburgh, and there were none. The brown BMW 524td was in good condition and performed beautifully.  
"Hermione, where am I going?" Harry asked at a traffic light near Motorway 1.  
"Um, take M-1 north," She said, fiddling with the pocket map in the glove compartment. Harry turned off of the circular highway and went north on M-1. Ron and Harry didn't like the light rock that was playing.  
"Hermione, get that wizard radio station, uh, 1700 AM," Ron said to Hermione. She switched it to AM and fiddled with the radio tuner but 1700 AM came with a lot of static. Hermione eventually got a classical music station. 2 hours passed and ended up near Leicester when they were awakened out of a 120 km/h cruise through the English countryside by a traffic jam.  
"Oh this is just great. If this keeps up, we won't get anywhere!" Harry said to Hermione and Ron. After an hour, they came across the point where they go to Coventry or Leeds. Hermione directed them towards Coventry and Birmingham on the little joint highway between M-1 and M-40. As they passed Birmingham, there was a loud rumble of thunder and Ron's stomach. They all realized they hadn't finished breakfast and were terribly hungry.  
"Is there a larger map of Southwest England and Wales?" Harry asked Hermione.  
"Yes," she replied. Ron's stomach churned so loud, they couldn't ignore it.  
"Can we please find somewhere to have lunch?" Ron asked from the backseat.  
"All right, there's a McDonald's near the highway. We'll stop there," Harry said.  
"A McDonald's?" Ron asked.  
"Fast food," Harry said, turning the wheel to the left some, then back to the right. It was exactly 12 when the thunderstorm drenched Birmingham and the car Hermione, Harry, and Ron were riding in.  
"Okay, let's hurry up and eat so we may have a chance of stopping at Blackpool for the night." They ordered fries and water for Hermione, a hamburger and Sprite for Harry, and a Big Mac, Super Size fries, apple pie, and sundae for Ron.  
"Ron's eating habit hasn't changed at all." Hermione said. She was right. From the first time Harry met Ron, he's been really messy with eating. Even though he still has a tall, stretched stature, he does have a roll of fat on him. Harry was like that until he left Hogwarts. You could see that he had pretty well defined muscles that stretched his sweater a little bit. Hermione also changed and grew some. She used to be a lot shorter than Ron, but now she was a well-defined woman with hair that wasn't bushy and messy (for once) and was 3 inches shorter than Ron, who is 6 feet tall. Harry was just a ½ inch shorter than Ron. They ate the rest of their food in the car when a thunderstorm drove them to find shelter.  
"Okay, let's go," Harry said, putting the car into gear. The rest of the day was a blur. They drove until about midnight. Hermione had sat in the backseat with Ron. They fell asleep around 10, Hermione's head on Ron's shoulder. Harry finally had to stop at Kendal. He stopped at a rest stop, car locked up inside and out. Harry, Hermione and Ron slept in the car that night.  
Early morning, around 4:30 in the morning, Harry woke up. He started the car and looked at the Scotland map and found that a small road led to Edinburgh after M-8 stopped. He was sort of puzzled by this, especially because Harry didn't drive this far. The farthest he drove was from Surrey to London, and it wasn't driving from the south part of the British Isles to the colder northern part. Hermione woke first at 6:00 and asked Harry to stop at a rest station so she can look at the Scottish sunrise. Harry kindly obliged and pulled over and got breakfast. Once Harry closed the door and the smell of scrambled eggs, hash browns, and toast with strawberry jam, and hot chocolate drifted towards Ron, he immediately woke up.  
"Breakfast?" Ron said jumpily.  
"Yes," Harry said. He evenly divided the breakfast between the three of them. Harry had to hurriedly shove breakfast down his throat so he can continue driving. He drove so fast through Scotland; they arrived at Edinburgh at about 12 in the afternoon, at half of the projected time. They parked in a parking lot near the campsites. They handed a receipt to a wizard with a kilt on in the wind. He offered to sit down on a chair while they sat on the ground to show them which way. Hermione and Ron quickly objected.  
"He wasn't wearing anything under that kilt!" Hermione said. "I'm not trying to look at someone's.special things after I've eaten breakfast." They walked through the campsites and found theirs. What they noticed about all of them was that they were rabbit holes, literally. They would have to push their luggage and themselves through a small hole in the ground to get to their cottage. Hermione and Harry with their neatly packed duffel bags fit perfectly through their hole. Ron struggled to stuff his bag (which was fit to burst) and himself down into the small hole. He pushed hard but wouldn't move all the way in.  
"Help me!" Ron shouted. Hermione and Harry soon found a way to get Ron inside, after about 20 minutes. They explored their wonderfully furnished underground cabin. Hermione couldn't enjoy the fireplace without saying one thing that's plagued her since she and Ron got married.  
"Ron, you have to start eating better. I mean, really, you eat like a puffskein. You're having ice cream right now," Hermione pointed to Ron's right hand, which had a waffle cone in it. "Why don't you eat less?"  
"I'll try Hermione. I guess food's always been a passion of mine," Ron said sincerely.  
"Yeah, like a hobbit," Harry said chuckling (which Harry rarely does. Harry isn't a chuckler.).  
"Shut up Harry." Ron said.  
"We'll just wait until this evening when the Cup begins." Harry said, turning on the telly.  
Hours passed very slow compared to yesterday during the long drive. Hermione was ferociously reading the Forsyte Saga. She was to the point where June confronts Irene about the death of June's fiancée. He was run over by a carriage in the thick fog of London in the 19th century. Ron was watching the television with Harry. There was nothing on BBC 3, and they decided to watch soccer, Chelsea versus Wimbledon on BBC 2. They got bored so they found a tape of sports. They had seen all of them but the one from the 2001 French Open Jennifer Capriati versus Kim Clijsters.  
"This is supposed to be the favourite match of the tournament," Harry said. The rest of the day drifted slowly. Ron and Harry had watched tennis, Quidditch, soccer, golf, and American football before the horn sounded and they had to go back out to get to their seats.  
"I'm going out first then you, then Hermione," Harry said. He went through their hole first, then turned around and watched Ron stick inside of it. He pulled and Hermione pushed and Ron unstuck again. Hermione then scrambled forward. The horn still sounded sweetly, piercing the evening calm echoing inside that forest. Harry, Ron, and Hermione walked slowly in the long line of people getting in. After they finally got to the ticket gate, they handed the tickets to an old wizard with grey hair coming out of his ears.  
"Go up those stairs sirs.and miss," he said, slurring his S's with the other letters. Harry practically ran up the stairs with Ron and Hermione trying to run after him. The tall, narrow staircase wound skyward delicately. The top box was very far up. They had a perfect view inside of the large room. The press was around them, broadcasting the match over television and radio.  
"They're doing this over telly?" Hermione asked clutching a stitch. "There will be all sorts of investigations and."  
"There is a wizard channel. It's some impossible number, 299 or something. Muggles can't see the channel fortunately." Ron explained.  
"Welcome live to Edinburgh, Scotland where the Loch Ness Monsters representing Scotland will face the London team, Big Bens representing England. This is one of the few times the teams have met. The last time was in 1776, when the match lasted 5 days. I'm Gildroy Lockhart and this is the Quidditch World Cup, now held annually," Lockhart replied. The 200,000-seat stadium was roaring loudly. The Loch Ness Monsters had come out, parading brilliantly in their dark blue robes. The Scottish national anthem was playing shrilly through the sea of cheers. As soon as the white and red robed Big Bens came out and the British national anthem played over the cheap radio system, the crowd immediately began barracking for the Scottish team.  
"Ladies and gentlemen, to the right of the centre mark is the British team (boos began ringing in the stadium) and to the left of the centre mark is the Scot." the stadium announcer was able to say that much until he was drowned out by the deafening chants of 'Allet, allet allet allet'. The Quaffle was tossed up, the Bludgers sent out, and the Golden Snitch fluttered up secretly, the whistle blew, and the game began. There was a lot of lobbying of the Quaffle and the game was scoreless for the first hour. Then, Yashir Abdul-Ahmad, the British-Israeli player scored the first goal into the top hoop, making the score 10-0, Big Bens.  
After the fantastic start, the British team went into a downward spiral. Hermione, Harry, and Ron were hysteric and downtrodden once Scotland arouse to a score of 200-10. They played through the night with the stadium lights shining radiantly through the midnight sky. Continuing the high quality of play through the dim morning sky, Britain climbed back into a 500-490 lead. Hermione was asleep, and Ron was keeping her warm with his coat and his body. Harry had about 50 cups of coffee around his seat and he continued to stay awake. Then, out of nowhere, the Golden Snitch smashed through the window, making Hermione scream and the two Seekers for both teams following it closely.  
"What the heck were they doing anyway?" Hermione asked.  
"They were.heh heh, chasing the Snitch through the box here," Ron explained.  
"Oh nice."  
Hermione was in a right state the rest of the Quidditch match. Britain defeated Scotland 1,250 to 1,240, with the British Seeker catching the Snitch at the 24th hour of the match. Harry, Ron, and Hermione went back to the hole they were assigned to and went back inside for dinner (Ron got stuck once more). Hermione cooked sautéed potatoes and pork chops. Ron had most of it while Harry was packing his duffel bag. Harry had a wonderful time at the World Cup, seeing Ron get stuck (he made a mental note of it), the long Cup match, and just seeing Ron and Hermione relax like this. After dinner however, after Harry went through the hole to get to the car, Ron tried really hard, but he wouldn't budge an inch. Harry and Hermione tried pulling and pushing Ron through, but he was still stuck.  
"What are we going to do?" Harry asked Hermione, pacing up and down the little avenue.  
"Well, maybe we can leave him there till he gets thinner," Hermione suggested. Ron's jaw dropped down to the ground.  
"Do you mean I'm stuck here until I get thin enough to fit through this death trap?" Ron asked.  
"I guess so," Harry said to Ron glumly.  
"Ron, you can't eat anything either," Hermione added to her previous statement. Ron really felt an all-time low.  
"Hermione, you must be insane!" Ron said to her. (You have to realize that Hermione is trapped in there too, for she tried pushing Ron out. She's talking to Harry through a round window.)  
"This is the only way," Hermione said through the window once more. Ron agreed sadly and tried to sigh, but the hole made his diaphragm and his lungs feel confined and the sigh just turned into a staggering cough. For three days, Ron sat in the hole. He couldn't eat anything, and Harry tried to entertain him, but it wasn't of any use. On the fourth day of Ron's thinning (that could be a song like "The Twelve Days of Christmas".), Harry and Hermione tried, for the fourth time, to get Ron out of the hole. After about 20 minutes of pulling and pushing, Ron finally slid out of the hole.  
"What time is it?" Harry asked Ron. Ron, weakened from not eating, looked at his watch.  
"It's noon, why do you want to know?"  
"Today is the 5th!!!" Harry shouted. "The Hogwarts Express leaves tomorrow!!" Hermione gasped and Ron did a double take. Tomorrow, it would be the race to King's Cross. ************************************************ That moment was the most gut wrenching for Harry, Hermione, and Ron. Hogwarts was their only sanctuary from the tough world that is the United Kingdom. The next day, the three of them rushed to the BMW and packed their things into the trailer. Hermione took her laptop into the back seat with her calculus book. She started writing in the worksheet in the book. It had 120 problems. Ron shot into the shotgun position, thrusting his seatbelt into the belt buckle. Harry started driving at 12 times faster than he was before. He was speeding along at 300 km/h. Korwin, Leeds, and Birmingham was passing by in 5 hours. By the time they did get to King's Cross, Hermione had finished her calculus and writing composition homework. She sent the answers to the college over the Internet. Harry ran through King's Cross and ran straight into the barrier of platform 9 and ¾. Hermione and Ron soon followed him, and Hermione was levitating the trunks behind them. The Hogwarts Express's scarlet engine was slowly moving away from the platform. Hermione ran and the trunks followed her at close pace. A brown haired girl offered an outstretched hand to Hermione, and Hermione's trunk followed her. Ron and Harry tried running too, trunks levitating at a far distance, but the last coach left the platform.  
"Harry, go to Birmingham!!" Hermione shouted over the whistle of the Express. "That's the next stop before Hogwarts. Harry, use the flying gear I installed, and the working Invisibility Booster. Hurry up!!!!" Harry and Ron heeded Hermione's hints and flew to Birmingham. The trip was smooth, the Invisibility Booster worked perfectly, limiting them to blend in with the colour of the sky. To them, they were visible and were enjoying fish and chips.  
"Pass the tartar sauce," Ron said to Harry, spraying fish on his glasses. Harry wiped his glasses and concentrated on finding Birmingham, skimming the tops of trees like a hot breeze. A couple of hours later, they arrived in Birmingham at a lonely station that housed the Hogwarts Express. The engine hissed and groaned while waiting for a few new passengers. Harry and Ron went to find Hermione's area, and they found it towards the end of the train (Hermione was waving hysterically).  
"I take it you found this place, just following the train and the setting sun," Hermione said to Harry, completely ignoring Ron's pecks on her cheeks. "Ron!!! Can you stop with the kissing for one moment?!"  
"What?" Ron asked Hermione. Hermione quickly looked at him with a disgusted look.  
"Yeah, we had a very comfortable ride, flying low above the trees," Harry said in a reminiscent voice. He had no idea what was to come next. 


End file.
